d'Elia | Venice: I am not making this up

The mayor’s Philippic

March 21, 2020 14 Comments

Thursday the number of deaths in Italy surpassed the number in China. What makes that even worse is that the number of infected cases in China has stopped, while the number in Italy is still rising.

We think our cities are deserted? The Chinese medical team in Milan was stunned to see how many people are out in the streets. The message still doesn’t seem to be getting through to a large number of people.

So the rules are being tightened. Dogs have to be walked, everybody knows that. But now the owners will be permitted to walk them only as far as 200 meters (656 feet) from their house. No more using Fido as an excuse to take a delightful hour-long stroll. And temptation is now going to be mitigated by the closing of parks and gardens and beaches.

Our Coop supermarket will be closed for the next two Sundays, as will the Prix. The signs announcing this cite the exhaustion of the staff, their need to rest and to be with their families. Totally credible. My own theory is that this is a bold new way to hit the brakes on this juggernaut. No supermarket, no earthly reason to be out of the house. It may be that the Coop’s next move will be to shorten their usually long, luxurious hours to only 8:00 AM to 3:00 PM, which would be another reason to make everybody go home.

But last Sunday Gianfilippo Bancheri snapped. He’s the mayor of the Sicilian town of Delia (pop. 4,218), and he doesn’t need Chinese doctors to tell him that too many people aren’t taking the quarantine seriously. The transcript of his cri de coeur, translated by me, is below. I’m showing the clip because you have to hear his tone of voice, and watch his face (up to and including the dark circles under his eyes, to which he acidly refers) to get the full impact.

If I were a citizen of Delia, I’d be embarrassed to hear myself talked about like this in front of the world. I wonder if they’re all pretending it didn’t happen. I hope not.

“Good evening to everybody.

Yesterday evening around 10:00 one of our neighbors was examined by 118 (the ambulance number) and was taken to the hospital to be checked for a suspected case of COVID-19. She was swabbed and a little while ago the health director, Dr. Marcella Santino, communicated to me that the result was negative. So it is not a suspected case of coronavirus. And therefore we send her our best wishes as citizens for a good recovery.

Having said that, we need to pay attention to a few situations that are occurring. Lots of you have made big signs written “Andra’ tutto bene.” Many are writing it on Facebook and by messages. But I want to understand how everything is going to be all right.

How is everything going to be all right if we continue to go out, every day, to do the shopping, when you can do the shopping once every ten days? How is everything going to be all right if every day people go out to buy cigarettes? Instead of taking — well, I don’t smoke, but that’s not the point – buy a batch of them and keep them at home. No, instead they go out every day to get cigarettes.

How is everything going to be all right if people go out every day to the gas station? What purpose does this gasoline serve if you have to stay at home? How is everything going to be all right if lots of people ask to have their hair done at home? To have the hair stylist come to their house? This hair – what’s it for? This hair, done in this moment, what’s it for? Have I made myself understood?

How is everything going to be all right if lots of people call me to talk about going to have a little run (corsetta)? Because they’re stressed. Guys, I’ve run 20 years, with ups and downs, more than 20 years. And in Delia we runners are 20 people, maximum. But now everybody in Delia has become a runner? Everybody wants to run. But where are you running, when the last time you ran was at the outdoor festival in elementary school? Where are you going to run?

Do we want to be serious people? They call me, ‘Mayor, I have to go to Canicatti (9 km/5 miles) to do the shopping.’ You can’t go to Canicatti to do the shopping. You have to shop in Delia, except for some life-saving medicine, a food for some intolerance.

They call me, ‘Mayor, my dog eats the treats that they only sell in Caltanisetta’ (23 km/14 miles away). Do we call this being serious? Do we call this being serious? Do we call this common sense? People who have children who come from outside Sicily, because we’re all one red zone? And the family members go out? And we have to reprimand them?

Today on Sunday there are people out in the countryside to roast meat, to barbecue. Are we joking? We’re playing with our skin (meaning life) and that of everybody in town? Having parties in your apartment building. I went just today, on Sunday, and there was the whole building. What about contagion? Stay home means stay with only my family, not with the neighbors. I’d like to see what sort of rapport you have with these neighbors. All these good neighbors are suddenly in Delia? All these good relationships with the neighbors are in Delia? People who make the big signs saying “Andra’ tutto bene” are having parties because the big sign has to be beautiful so they call cousins, friends, to make the sign. That is contagion! That is the risk of contagion, do you want to understand it, or not?

‘Stay home’ doesn’t mean to have a party. What are we talking about? And somebody says to me, ‘Mayor, we need to thank those who are staying home.’ No! I tried out that phrase and no! Those who are staying home are doing their duty, which today is obligatory. Today it is obligatory to remain at home.

We need to thank those who are in the trenches, because in Italy we’re really good at turning things upside down. We need to thank the thousands of doctors, nurses, paramedics, the forces of public order (police in their various forms), associations of volunteers, mayors, the people who are in the trenches, or in the streets to protect the multitude that doesn’t give a fuck. My colleague the mayor of Niscemi said the same thing, people are just messing around, just goofing off, and it’s true.

‘We’re stressed to stay at home, we’re stressed.’ With the telephone, with the Internet connection, with the television, with eating, we’re stressed. Stressed are people who get sent to war, not those who are sent to stay at home. And why do we sing “Azzurro Azzurro” from the balconies if we’re going out to do the shopping every day? Where is the consistency? Where is the consistency? Where is respect, ours for the others? Do we want to stop this, or not?

Today I was at the municipal police, we denounced certain persons to the judicial authority, and we’re going to continue to do it.

Today, Sunday, I went out to tear people off a strip, people who are grown, vaccinated (it’s an Italian expression meaning adult), but I’m hardheaded because this evening people are sending messages asking “Mayor, who is this lady, what do we need to do?” But we have to go out and let others take care of it. Because the problem is somebody else’s. The problem is always far away from us.

But we’re playing with everybody’s ass and the responsibility of the Carabinieri, mine, the doctors, of those who are taking risks for you. Do you regard this as decency? Excuse me. Do you regard this as correctness? It’s not correctness, it’s selfishness, it’s cretinism, it’s stupidity, it’s superficiality.

Somebody says to me, ‘Come on, mayor, we mustn’t be alarmed.’ How must we not be alarmed? How do we not need to be alarmed? It’s a pandemic. It’s not an epidemic anymore, it’s a pandemic. And we shouldn’t be alarmed? When do people think we ought to be alarmed, if not for a pandemic? Excuse me, when should people be alarmed?

Do we want to be serious, or not? Do we want to act like intelligent people, or not? All these parties at home with friends. Does someone actually have a neuron in their head? Does somebody have a neuron, or are all the neurons extinguished?

And they say, ‘Mayor, you’ve got dark circles under your eyes. You’re tired, you need to rest.’ But when must I rest? I risk every day like the others, like the doctors, like the nurses, like the Carabinieri, like the volunteers.

It’s others who are taking the risks and people who are staying home are stressed. Stressed. “I have to go out, take a walk, do a little run, walk the dog,” they pass at this time of night under my window. But this dog, how many times does he need to piss? Take the dog out, go around your house and go back home. Don’t take a walk.

The blockhead with the stroller, ‘I’m going to my sister.’ Going to your sister? You’re supposed to be at home. Do you understand, or no?

I hope I’ve been clear. I hope I’ve been clear. In any case, you should know that we are going to start issuing denunciations, because it’s right that who errs, pays. It’s right that who is wrong has to be penalized and denounced. And if someone evidently someone can’t manage to connect their brain, it’s not because they’re slow because they’re retarded. Why retarded? That’s what we’re talking about.

Thank you. Good evening to you all.”

“I don’t have legs to disseminate myself. I use those of the imbeciles.” In the 24 hours between 8:00 PM on March 20 and 8:00 PM March 21 the police have issued 10,000 denunciations of people for being out of their houses without a valid reason. I didn’t really appreciate how many imbeciles there are at the moment.

Venetian Problems

Just stay home already

March 20, 2020 7 Comments

The headline this morning: “Virus, another two deaths, too many people are ignoring the prohibitions.”

I know I promised you the mayor of Delia first thing today, but I decided to post this first. Think of it as part of the overture before the curtain goes up.

There are so many facets to daily life in this extraordinary interval that it may be pointless to try to keep up. And I’m not sure a daily “Cyrano’s Gazette” would even be interesting after a while.

Still, a riffle through the newspapers today shows that too many people in the Veneto still haven’t grasped the basic concepts of quarantine. The first basic concept is “Do not exit your front door.” Second concept: “This is going to annoy and inconvenience you.” Third concept: “This isn’t just about you, buddyroe.” Yet too many people are clearly annoyance-and-inconvenience-intolerant, if not openly allergic.

This is what your world is supposed to look like, though maybe without the canal. No people.

As for the blithe spirits who continue to wander far from home and hearth in blatant contravention of the order (note: It’s not a request, it’s not a suggestion, it’s not an opinion) to stay home? We don’t have to look far to find them.

The Carabinieri of the province* of Venice have stopped some 30 wanderers to inquire why the hell they (the wanderers) are not only outside their house, but even outside their province? “My garden has immediate need of topsoil (terriccio).” (I realize people have to care for their animals’ needs, but you’ll just have to muffle the demands from the begonias.)

“I have to meet my lover near the stadium.” (Standard practice here would be that the Carabinieri immediately check on the whereabouts of the lover too. So two people are now in the soup.) This swain was not only outside his province, but outside his region — he lives in Friuli.

A bar in Favaro Veneto, six miles from Venice, was open at 9:00 AM (the hour is immaterial: it was open) serving drinks to a merry gathering of nine. All of them were reported — that’s the official denunciation, plus undoubtedly a fine — including the owner of the bar.

The same case in a bar in the town of Santa Maria di Sala, and also in Passarella, a little postage-stamp of a village outside San Dona’, whose complaisant owner opened his bar for some people (it’s a small town, they could even all be relatives) who were found playing cards. The classic excuse of “I wasn’t there, and if I was, I was sleeping” cuts no ice at all these days. All of them were fined, and the bars are now what the police mean by “closed.” In these cases the Carabinieri typically attach a notice to the door: “Sotto sequestro” — impounded. If you try to sneak into an impounded place to have a nightcap, this would indicate that your passion for gambling — not with cards, but with your next few years — has risen to a whole new level.

In other fragments of the hinterland, the respective owners of a pizzeria, a bar, and a pastry shop were all discovered to be conducting business as usual, and now they’re not. To paraphrase the song, what part of “closed” do you not understand?

Speaking of which, for the next two Sundays the supermarkets will be closed. Translation: Get your shopping done early, because that reason for being out has been removed. You will have no motive whatever, apart from relieving the dog, to be outside your house, or driving around in your car, on your unicycle, on waterskis, on your feet, on anything.

I feel sorry for the dog, though; he’ll be worn to a nub by how many times he’s going to be taken outside on Sunday. Now that I think of it, I’m waiting to hear that some clever dog owner (or ten) has offered to rent their pet for a small consideration. It will happen.

This morning I went to do some topping-up shopping in order to remove any necessity of going to the store tomorrow on the eve of the first supermarket closure. Too bad I can’t go out and photograph the lines, they ought to be considerable.

Our trash collection service has accelerated. The old routine was that two men (both adorable, I have to say), each with his big handcart, would arrive in our little side street between 8:15 and 8:25. Maybe 8:30. One cart was for kitchen garbage, the other for the recyclables of the day, either paper or plastic/glass/cans.

The past two days, though, the two have disappeared, and one new man (probably also adorable, but his mask makes it hard to tell) shows up at 8:00 or 8:05 with just one cart into which everything goes. And he doesn’t wait around.

I asked him why he’s suddenly passing by so early, and he said — in a rather rushed manner — “We’re short-staffed, and also we have to finish by 10:00.” First we were running low on doctors, now it’s garbage collectors. And coming up are the officers of the law — the Carabinieri, etc. are thinning out, which is one reason why the Army will be joining the quarantine control brigade.

This is to help me keep my smile in working order. I hope to use it again at some point.

The mayor of Conegliano is ready to take on his citizens who can’t resist (God, they’re everywhere!) going out walking or running or bicycling among the lovely vine-draped hills of the surrounding Prosecco-producing area. Starting tomorrow, the police are going to be sending up drones, three at a time, to surveille the landscape. The mayor’s pretty conscientious to have fired this warning shot. I’d have just sent the drones up and then hauled in the nets, full of thrashing quarantine-breakers.

It appears that there’s one thing we are never going to run out of, and that’s the special cases who are totally incapable of changing their routine, or hearing anything outside their own cranial cavity. These people remind me of the horses I used to ride in Central Park in New York, long years ago. They were so broken-down mentally from doing the same circuit all day that only by near violence could you make them respond to your commands and not those of their muscle memory. “At the second oak tree we’ll trot,” their inner voice said, and it would take a while for them to notice the outer voice, which was me, saying “Actually, no, WE WON’T.” I bet they talked about me once they were back in their stalls.

“Why doesn’t she want to trot at the oak tree? Does she want to wait till we reach the ginkgo? Why?”

“Boy, I’ve had some weird ones, but she was the worst.”

“She’s coming back tomorrow.”

“Maybe she’ll forget….”

A “region” in Italy (there are 20) corresponds roughly to the states of the United States. The Veneto is a region. The regions are sub-divided into provinces, a large area surrounding a major town, which gives the province its name. The Veneto is made up of 7 provinces, Venice being one of them.

Problems, Tourism

The Venice Olympics?

October 24, 2009 2 Comments

On October 2 at 6:53 PM, the news broke upon an unsuspecting city — and even some unsuspecting city councilors — that the local headmen had cooked up a new scheme: Officially proposing Venice as the site of the 2020 Summer Olympics.

I’ll pause while you adjust your screens.

Technically speaking, “Venice Olympics” wouldn’t necessarily connote the same thing as “Venetian Olympics.”

The “Venetian Olympics” would consist of any typical activity of any typical day in almost any typical week. Medals would be awarded for such events as:

the 2000-meter walk home over five bridges carrying 20 pounds of shopping in plastic bags and a six-pack of mineral water bottles during Carnival (an event which could be adjusted for difficulty according to the distance, bag weight, number and height of bridges, density of crowds, and whether you have up to three small children with you);
the vaporetto-boarding-at-6:15 PM in the rain with two runs having been skipped, leading to a phenomenal accumulation of enraged, wet, tired mammals (starting line: Piazzale Roma, finish line at Rialto, San Toma’, or San Zaccaria);
choice of one of several activities at the train station (buying a ticket at 5:45 AM; finding a bathroom at 9:30 PM; locating your departure track in the absence of any information on any notice boards, five minutes before departure), to be judged not only on speed but style;
getting from San Marco to the Lido in the fog during a transport strike;
obtaining a package from abroad via SDA, a delivery company which does everything but give correct information in a timely fashion, or deliver.

Actually, I think the “Venetian Olympics” could be a spectacular event, for those in the right frame of mind, and best of all, they could be held any day of the year, practically.

But I am only slightly jesting. The headmen, on the other hand, are completely serious. That’s because they are: Massimo Cacciari, the mayor; Giancarlo Galan, governor of the Veneto Region; Franco Manzato, regional vice-president AND councilor for Tourism; and Andrea Tomat, president of Confindustria Veneto, the regional business association. Politicians and businessmen — it’s the winning team in most Olympic efforts, I have no doubt. And as soon as Madrid lost its bid to Rio, thereby re-opening the field to a European candidate for the next go-round, Venice pounced.

But “Venice Olympics” is a loss leader. What they mean by “Venice Olympics” translates into “Olympics scattered around the Veneto region.” Everybody wants to get into the act.

The only foreseeable competitor in Italy would be Rome, which hosted the Games in 1960 (perhaps a handicap, though capital cities seem to do well). I”m not sure what card Rome will be playing in an attempt to become the national candidate, but it’s true that they wouldn’t have to face the quips that almost certainly will soon be lobbed at Venice. I can imagine the helpful suggestions for organizing the pole vault over the campanile of San Marco; synchronized swimming in the Grand Canal; the hammer throw and shot-put aimed at the taxis churning along the Giudecca Canal. Field hockey in the Piazza San Marco.

Let me not blemish the euphoria by mentioning crass numbers; clearly the visions of new everything being built all across the region has got lots of people all worked up. I merely mention, at random, that the candidacy of Madrid, which made it all the way to the finals, cost the equivalent of $55 million.

And that’s just the cost of candidacy. Once you nab the Games, the real bills start to mount up. Brazil has budgeted $14 billion to host the Games in Rio. Venice has a few handicaps, in my opinion, in that regard: It’s already the most expensive city in Italy (this ought to really lure spectators), and it has made a career of rattling its tin cup, wailing that it has no money. But… but… If there is no money for schools, monument restoration, policemen, hospitals, firemen, and so on, how can they suddenly find millions — gosh, it was right here behind the Encyclopedia Britannica all the time — and be prepared to expend billions, if they get the nod? (That was a rhetorical question.)

The notables who have spoken have been refreshingly direct about why they want the Olympics. Skipping entirely any mention, however brief, of desiring to add to the glory of Italy, or the honor of the city, or the splendor of our athletes (somebody did refer to that, I think, but I can’t see how that matters), they’ve gone right to the point.

“Promoting and organizing the Games of 2020 would permit the city and the entire metropolitan area represented by the triangle of Venice, Padua and Treviso (italics mine) to accelerate the numerous improvement and renewal projects which for years have filled the agendas of the institutions of the territory,” said Mayor Cacciari.

“Venezia 2020 represents a strategic project for the development of the infrastructure of the entire Region,” said Dr. Galan. For the record, the entire Region covers about 7,000 square miles.

“Our businesses realize that having the Olympic Games in Venice in 2020 could act as a catalyst for a series of ‘virtuous’ processes in the economic field and help the consumer regain confidence,” said President Tomat.

But don’t break out the Prosecco just yet. First of all, Rome isn’t going to shrink from the fight — au contraire. This was the home of the gladiators, after all; also, the mayor of Rome belongs to the right wing of the political spectrum, while the mayor of Venice is from the left. They’re used to fighting. So, like every war, this brewing conflict has a long history and many undetected combatants.

And a few cautious voices — important voices — have sounded their notes of warning amid the chorus of praise for this audacious notion.

If you cross your eyes just a little, the big picture comes into better focus.

“Extremely important economic guarantees are going to be needed,” commented the head of the Italian Olympic Committee (CONI), the group which will adjudicate which city carries Italy’s banner into the final selection. Not a very heartening public statement, though unusually honest. They were polite enough not to refer to the recently (finally) completed Ponte della Costituzione (“the Calatrava Bridge”), which required 11 years, many lawsuits and an impressive cost overrun (final cost: $18 million compared to the $10 million quoted in the winning bid), to span 265 feet of the Grand Canal. But an Olympic Stadium ought to be a lot simpler.

“It would undoubtedly be a great opportunity for the entire Veneto [there we go again] to furnish itself with facilities adequate to such an event which would then remain at the disposition of local groups….It would require an enormous investment with the complete participation of the government as well as the industial sector,” remarked Renzo Di Antonio, president of the Olympic Committee’s Veneto division.

“As a Venetian I couldn’t be anything other than happy at this proposal,” said Andrea Cipressa, fencing gold medalist and vice-president of the national fencing association. “Naturally, on the real feasibility of the project I feel some understandable doubts….There are many, many things to take into consideration and the first impact of the proposal is mainly emotional, romantic. But then you have to start taking reality into account as well as the many problems which are always connected with Venice.”

But perhaps he has failed to grasp the magnitude of the marvels which the Olympics would bestow on the Region (excuse me: ENTIRE Region], especially right around Venice, innovations which have already been discussed for quite a while in the government:

“I believe that Tessera” (the village near the airport) “has all the necessary potential,” said Laura Fincato, councilor for Urban Planning. “We are discussing an area which would have a multilateral potential — an area of recreation including a new building for the Casino, a stadium, a concert hall and an structure for all sorts of sports. In this area there is also the airport and the [future] passage of the high-speed railway [the TAV Corridor 5 which will connect Kiev to Lisbon, passing through northern Italy]. If we then add a forest of 105 hectares [260 acres], it seems to me that we have all the right conditions.” A forest?? Now that’s something that’s really been missing from the urban fabric. We don’t have enough firemen — we don’t even have a breakdown lane on the Liberty Bridge. But a forest by the airport? Why didn’t anybody think of that before?

The mayor of the nearby beach resort of Jesolo is already jumping up and down and waving his hand: “We could hold the windsurf and beach volley competitions,” is his contribution to the discussion.

Paradoxically, though, the rowing competitions would be impossible to hold in the lagoon, due to the tidal currents. Sailing in the Adriatic ought to work, but rowing would have to be somewhere else. That’s going to be a little tricky for the public relations work. Maybe they could dig the rowing basin in the forest by the airport.

Probably the only thing the campanile of San Marco hasn't seen since 1514 is a Summer Olympics.

One commentator, Tiziano Graziottin, sees the big picture this way: “However you look at it, there are many obstacles on the horizon to overcome; the ‘tripartisan’ group put into play by Cacciari, Galan and Manzato… looks at Venice as the figurehead of an entire Veneto system, using the icon of the most beautiful city in the world to fascinate world public opinion while aiming at developing the potential of an entire macro-region… Venice is the star that drives photographers crazy but the Olympic ‘film’ succeeds only if all the actors play their part under the highest-quality direction…. The good thing about this idea is the concept behind it, and it’s a key concept for ‘internal use’: To make clear to a public opinion frequently divided into provincial (in every sense) rivalries that Venice and the Veneto can and must march together.” For those numbed by the endless bickering between Dr. Cacciari (center-left) and Dr. Galan (center-right), this is a revolution. “Bipartisan” isn’t a word you hear used very much; in Italian, it’s a knobby little word (bipartitico) which doesn’t really have a home in anyone’s vocabulary. I think it must sleep in the political garage.

A closing note — more like a shot across the bow — from the ever-contrarian lawyer, Francesco Mario D’Elia, who has organized four (4) referendums with the aim of separating Venice from Mestre, all of which failed, but not by so much. He has now organized a committee called “No to the Venice 2020 Olympics.”

“To propose Venice for the Olympics,” he stated, “is merely an operation involving the image, in order to exploit the fame of the city without giving anything in return…. Therefore we say ‘Enough’ to those who exploit the name of Venice, a city which has no need of the Olympics.”

So he has wasted no time in writing to the governor of the Region of Sicily saying that there’s a small group in Venice ready to support their candidacy for the Olympics, presumably at Palermo. “The Palermo Olympics.” That sounds even stranger than The Venice Olympics.

In all, a fairly audacious gamble, which will require betting millions of somebody’s money to play a hand which may not turn out to be as strong as its holder might imagine. Venice isn’t in the habit of competing, really — people come here anyway, whether you invite them or not. As a historic, artistic and even touristic city, who would it compete against? So having to think as a global competitor for anything is going to be a short sharp shock to a few people here. Especially when they come up against other potential candidates such as Cape Town and Mumbai and St. Petersburg.

But that’s the point of gambling — you’re ready to take a chance. Perhaps it will turn out that this whole Venice Olympics business is going to be less like a game of poker or mah-jongg and more like a long and unfathomably expensive session of “Risk.”