Some things deserve to be laughed at — laughter with a frisson of incredulity. Incredulity without the guffaws also works well. And Florian closing in protest is hilarious.
Florian is the jewel in the crown of the Piazza San Marco. Opened on December 29, 1720, it is certainly the oldest cafe extant in Venice, and in all of Italy; some sources claim it’s the oldest in the world, though Florian modestly denies it. It’s also extremely beautiful. History and elegance make such a lovely couple. Sipping your prosecco or Bellini or even a tiny cup containing three drops of espresso, a nibble of salmon, a delectable pastry, all brought to you on a silver salver, you can feel wonderfully, uniquely glamorous. Sitting in Venice! At Florian! Am I dreaming? Is this really me?
Then the bill arrives, and you have to start planning that second mortgage on your house. Coffee at the bar: 3 euros ($3.17). Seated: 6.50 ($6.85). A little plate of six (6) cookies? 13 euros ($13.71). Is the atmosphere adorned by the enchanting music rippling from the instruments of the quartet on their platform outside? Your conto will request your payment of 6 euros per person, even if you didn’t actually order it. Yes, for a concert it’s extremely economical.
I could go on, but my point is not how expensive it is; Florian can charge any price it wants and nobody is forcing you to go there.
My point is that they closed for a day to protest the “invasion” of the gargantuan stage set up for massive ceremonies in the Piazza San Marco. (More on the ceremonies later.) Florian strongly objects to all this construction encroaching on their territory, primarily because they were not consulted weeks in advance. The city government disputes the accusation of no consultation.
I could understand somebody protesting a situation that would dangerously and cruelly limit, if not eliminate, their income for a few days (April 29 – May 9, to be precise). But I don’t believe this is the case.
They complain that there is too much going on in the Piazza, and huge events such as Wednesday’s graduation ceremony for 800 students of the University of Venice, and the even huger rituals planned for today in honor of the Morosini naval school (details follow), are seriously invading their physical space and even their aura.
The occasion is the 60th anniversary of the school’s re-founding in 1961 (originally established in 1937, but interruptions such as war ensued). And while we’re all together, why not also conduct the requisite swearing-in ceremony by which the first-year class is rendered officially military. This year the second-year group will join in, as there was no oath-taking last year. There will be marching and saluting executed by the 150 cadets, undoubtedly abetted by detachments from other military branches. Did I mention that the president of the republic will also be there? Not to mention many past cadets, going back decades.
To return to the bur under Florian’s saddle, yes, there is an enormous reviewing stand, and yes, there will be big bleachers flanking it. It’s regrettable that these will degrade the scenery of the Piazza, to the detriment of the Florian fascination. But it occurs to me that even though this legendary cafe’, like all businesses that place tables outdoors, pays a tax for the public space they occupy, they don’t actually own that space. Which is to say that the Piazza San Marco doesn’t belong to them. In fact, you could make a good argument that Florian’s appeal does not lie principally in the Piazza, but in its own glorious rooms. If you take the Orient Express, are you really going to spend a lot of time looking out the window at the scenery?
In any case, the Piazza San Marco has been the site of mass confusionary events for centuries. The interminable procession on the feast of Corpus Domini, the week-long market for the feast of the Ascension — stalls everywhere selling everything! — bear-baiting to entertain the Crown Prince of Russia in a Piazza surrounded by yes, bleachers filled with thousands of spectators, and so on. If anything big is going to happen in Venice, it’s almost certainly going to happen in the Piazza San Marco. Did nobody think to tell Florian?
Well, not according to them. They say they got barely 24-hours notice before the scaffolding began to go up, at which I wonder what difference it would have made to have had even 240-hours notice. The scaffolding is going up, and it will be coming down. See: “Ownership of Piazza,” above.
So here is what strikes me as hilarious about all this: What possible difference does it make to anyone except Florian if it closes for a day? I understand the desire to protest, but saying you’re going to close for a day to show how mad you are is kind of like when I was three years old and threatened to hold my breath forever if I didn’t get what I wanted. My mother basically said “Go right ahead,” and I did, and when I regained consciousness on the kitchen floor she was still standing over there, washing dishes or cutting vegetables or whatever she was doing. So much for my protest.
So a day without Florian, even though you can make it sound like something terrible, doesn’t even register on the Apocalypt-o-Meter. I think most of us can say we have other things to worry about.
17 Comments
I’m a Quadri man, myself. Florian has been too florid for me. I’m always afraid
some burly young aristocrat will challenge me to a duel (if I complain about his
bratty kid’s stroller). However, it’s good to know that Venetians have something
to talk about besides the bloody tourists. And that you, my former editor, are there
to report the story.
Strollers inside Florian? There goes the neighborhood.
I’ve always favored Florian over Quadri, having read somewhere that during the Austrian occupation the former was the choice of the Italian citizenry while the latter was the hangout of the occupiers. True?
I’ve read the same statement but have never sought to research it; not even sure how I’d go about it. Anyway, we always go to Lavena, and the Cafe Chioggia is pretty nice, so there are options. In any case, you have inspired me to learn something about Quadri. Their website says that a Venetian couple moving back from Corfu’ opened it in 1638 under the name “Il Remedio” (so now we begin the battle of “the oldest”…). In 1830 it changed ownership, to a pair of Italian brothers named Vaerini. The patrons weren’t limited to Austrian military or bureaucrats, but included Lord Byron, Richard Wagner, Stendhal, and Honore’ de Balzac. So perhaps it’s time we let this ancient vendetta expire.
I so much enjoy your excellent writing and gentle sarcasm. Grazie!
Hilariously risible!
I have found that the best way to enjoy Florian is when someone else pays.
You are just THE BEST! Grazie mille!
Sorry, Erla, but what you have written is hilarious! Who else would have taken a photo of the stroller, just to make a point? And what you have said about their closing for a day — like cutting off your nose to spite your face. And your Mom’s reaction to your threat!
Yes, let’s! The ‘old vendetta’ is mentioned in J.G. Links’ “Venice for Pleasure,” but surely it is time to let it go. I suppose the real question is whether one wants to sit in the sun or the shade, and that depends on the time of day. I’d be happy to sip my two drops of pricy coffee at any of the four, post-pandemia. Thank you for sharing the (yes, hilarious) snit of the Florian owners, and for using the word “frangible” in the same paragraph as “Dubuque airport.”
I’m so glad I know someone who noticed that. Thank you. You’ve put new heart into me.
Holy Moly! Guacamole! Imagine that: $6.85 for a cuppa’, $13.71 for cookies.
No wonder so many of us are stickin’ with our beer ‘n chips in the morning.
Yep, Queen Erla – Word-Mistress of Venice – has pasted yet another one outa’ the park with “…hilarious.”
Oh dear! What a storm in a (tiny) coffee cup.
Thank you. nowhere but Venice could this happen.
I have been to Venice c.25 times (memory precludes anything definitive) and I have only ever once patronised Le Florian and that was on my first visit in 1973. I was so shocked (and damaged mentally) at the bill that I never returned to it or any cafe in the piazza. In my wilder moments I wonder whether the shock affected my taste buds because it was the beginning of my dislike of coffee so that these days I never drink the stuff. As to ordering my usual beverage, tea, in any establishment in Italy will be a certainty of being presented with something ghastly, I rarely patronise any bars. I once took tea at the Gritti and was presented with the correct accoutrements relating to the tea ceremony but it was all rendered pointless as they used hot, not boiling, water. I said that such was the case but it was denied. I know I was right. An Englishman knows when his waters are boiled – or not.
One has to be prepared for tactical manoeuvres when negotiating certain aspects of society in the blessed land of Italy and I do have sympathy with any pre-planned stoppage at Florian’s by a once in a lifetime daily tourist who was faced with CHIUSO. The closure was, as the writer suggests, pointless but there will be some tourists out there who might dispute the term. Too bad but that is the way it is.
Should anyone who reads this ramble know of an establishment in Venice which serves tea in porcelain cups, with a teapot, loose tea and a strainer and cold milk please let me know. Please leave a comment below.
It’s to your credit that you feel sympathy for the tourist faced with CHIUSO. However (and I should write this in a note as a post) it turns out that all the cafe’s around the Piazza stayed open for business — they were merely forbidden to set up their rows of tables outside until the ceremony was over. Given that, Florian’s complaints become even more inscrutable. But romantic Venice is just as demanding and unpredictable as any other romance.
Is there a Veneziano equivalent of “biting off your nose to spite your face”?
I haven’t heard any similar expression that I’d call Venetian — but I have heard Venetians use the term “Cut off your balls to spite your wife.” Try using that sometime when you feel like upping your popular-sayings game!
I’ve been taught that “vulgarity is a poor substitute for wit” but found out by myself that the combination of the two are, on the other hand, often marvellous and “to cut of one’s balls to spite one’s wife” proves this point perfectly. 😀 Thanks for a good laugh! I’d love it in Venetian!
An after-dinner stroll on a foggy winter night to have hot chocolate at the Quadri, especially if you’re allowed upstairs, is one of those romantic indulgences for which you will be richer, but only financially, for having missed. So is a Florians jaunt, if you are hosting first-time visitors, and if it’s a bit stormy and floody outside, so the band turns to face you in its tent and you pay and you pay and you pay. But who cares, especially if you have travelled a very long way just to stay in Venice for a few weeks? Outdoors seating not required. There are dangers in sitting outside in the Piazza. You may be adjacent to a seagull as it pecks at the carcass of a pigeon. Yum.