This doesn’t relate to Venice, but a friend sent it and I want to share it.
Obviously I can’t do simultaneous translation, but I’m putting the translation below. Apart from what they’re saying, the expressions and tones of voice of the two men make the whole exchange something very funny at first, slowly becoming more thought-provoking. I think it’s safe to assume that Fabrizio is at some call center in heaven. (Most sincere apologies to anyone who might have reasons not to find anything amusing in all this.)
Note: The writers/actors are two brothers from Palermo, Fabrizio and Federico Sansone, who create comedy sketches under the name “I Sansoni.” You can find them on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.
Man A: Customer service?
Man B: Hello, I’m Fabrizio. How may I be of help to you?
A: I want to be reimbursed for 2020!
B (aside): We’ve got another one. (Faking voice): The lines are temporarily busy…
A: Look, don’t be a smart-aleck, I’ve been your client for 26 years and you have never sold me a year as ugly as this one. Never.
Man B: Excuse me, but why didn’t you like it? Did something in particular happen?
Man A: Something in particular? Only a world pandemic!
Man B: Okay, well, now let’s try to resolve your problem, and we’ll try to understand what to do, all right? Remain calm.
A: That is, Paolo Fox (TV personality and astrologer) at the beginning said this is the perfect year to go out, to travel, but maybe for coming out crazy it’s the perfect year.
B: Okay, fine, but that was a simple factory defect. The Paolo Fox program has been updated correctly.
A: That is…?
B: He always says asshole things, but in the end from now on he adds “Maybe.”
A: Such as?
B: Everything will be all right MAYBE. We’ll recover MAYBE.
A: So the fault for this pandemic is whose? The Pope? He’s the one I have to smack? The bats? The Chinese laboratories? Bugo? (A popular singer.)
B: Look, don’t go looking to blame. Look at the positive side! You’ve been at home for months, relaxing.
A: The first days, then I had to divorce.
B: Okay, for now many are divorcing their wives.
A: What wife? I divorced my parents! Maybe I’m the only case in Italy.
B: But in the summer things went a little better. No?
A: Yes, it’s true. There wasn’t any Covid. And then you know how it was? Everybody was open, closed, you had to disinfect all the bars, then the bars closed again, the schools, open, closed, half-open, you couldn’t understand. By now when I see a film, as soon as I see a film and see people who are kissing or hugging I get upset and I have to get up.
B: All right, let’s do this. I’ll talk to the owner and let’s see what I can do. Okay? Hold the line a minute.
(on-hold music: “We’ll make it…everything’s going to be fine…we’ll make it… everything’s going to be fine…we’ll make it…”)
B: All right, look. I spoke to the boss, and we can’t reimburse you for the year.
A: Why not?
B: But we can offer you unlimited masks, Amuchina (a disinfectant) for everybody and 1000 kilometers of moving around from one Comune to another even without relatives. You like it?
A: But you think these things have the same value of the things I’ve lost?
B: (silence)
A: The hugs, who’s going to reimburse me for them? The laughs with my friends that I couldn’t have, who’s going to give them back to me? The trips I couldn’t take, the people I couldn’t get to know? The normal life that I couldn’t live? These things, how do I get them back?
B: You can recover them if you don’t forget. If you don’t forget that a hug from your father isn’t something to take for granted. If you don’t forget that the laughs with your friends aren’t obvious. If you don’t forget that to know a new person, or take a trip, can change your life.
You can get everything back if when all is back to normal you fight for it, and go back to being amazed by everything that happens around us.
Maybe then, only in that moment, even 2020 will have served some purpose.
New Year … real life
A: Excuse me, but one last thing. For 2021, can I get insurance, so if things aren’t going well I can move straight to 2022?
B: You haven’t understood anything!
B: No, okay. I was asking for a friend.
12 Comments
Grazie, cara.
Of course I’m laughing.
If you can’t laugh you cry.
Laughing is better.
Was this useful for practicing your Italian? That could have been Value Added, even without laughing, though of course I agree with you. Laughing is absolutely better.
I prefered laughing haha
A thoughtful friend recently said:
You can never go back and start over,
but you can always start on a new ending.
So here we are, in an unanticipated chapter, trying to figure out if we have to ditch our assumed ending, and start planning a new ending to our story. My revisions will continue to include Rome!
Good health to you and yours, and a safe New Year.
I’m pretty sure we need to be revising the ending we had in the first draft. There have been unexpected plot twists and it’s a challenge to keep up. Best wishes back to you for health, happiness, and Rome in 2021.
Absolutely added value, for which I thank you. The guys were speaking too fast for my puny comprehension skills — I do better at the speed of News In Slow Italian, or my teacher’s merciful pace. But lines like the divorce bit came through loud and clear and funny.
I’m still laughing. With the subtitles I could almost imagine myself actually understanding Italian. 😄 In any case it’s better to look laugh at the mess we’re in than be depressed about it.
I’ve also watched some Venetian YouTubers summarising 2020 and laughed my head off.
Thanks again Erla, we needed that bit of laughter to lighten the mood.
Keep ’em coming.
Best regards for 2021,
Rob and Maria
FarOutNorthQueensland,Oz
Thanks for sharing Ms. Zwingle; very funny
And now, I am watching, not in total disbelief, but in deep sorrow and fear, the events unfolding in Washington. January must be an added value month of 2020. I hope Mr Biden will be safe.
Yes, January was a bonus month, for sure. Worries will be ongoing till … no idea when. Thanks for writing!
The whole world is mad, bad or simply unwell, isn’t it? I’m sure though that somehow in the coming year you will be the one to find us the little gems that keep us all going, and give us some hope that someday…. somehow … things will be better, and more sane, and hopeful for us all.
– I’m processing my request for a refund on 2020 already. Don’t give much for my chances, though.
Thank you for lifting the corner of my mouth, and my heart, too!